Thwip thwip thwip

Better living through necromancy

Hert didn’t seem to mind when I killed her husband Hern. (I had to; somebody paid me to do it.) Perhaps it was because I was sneaking behind him, out of her line of sight, when I went in for the sneak attack. Perhaps Hert thought he had a history of heart problems so just keeling right over wasn’t that of a surprise. Whatever it was, Hert did not get upset at all. This is strange because usually when someone in Skyrim bites it unexpectedly, any nearby NPCs freak the hell out, immediately blame you for the gruesome murder, and start swinging at you. But not Hert! She calmly got up from her chair near the fireplace, went over to the table, and sat down.

Hert wasn’t even upset when I picked up Hern’s corpse and dumped it right in her lunch.

After this happy little stunt, I felt bad for Hern. He was clearly very much in love with Hert. It was apparent from their shack that they shared everything, even three letters in their names. Maybe he wanted to say goodbye to his beloved vampire lumberjack wife one last time. Well I could help with that! I know necromancy!

You’d think this is was when Unchained Melody would play and the two would say goodbye, or at least Hert would get mad enough to accost me. But no, she remained unfazed, even when her dead husband floated in front of her all blue-glowy and stuff. Daaamn, girl, you ice cold.

She didn’t even mind that I sat down too to have a snack. Raising the dead is hard work, y’know. Hern, in the meantime, just stood around groaning incoherently. Maybe he was trying to say “goodbye” in zombie talk. I don’t know.

And when the spell wore off and Hern turned to a pile of ash, Hert merely looked at me, annoyed because it presumably meant getting out the broom and dustpan. I quickly took my leave and went off to seek out other dead-raising adventures.

Next week: We resurrect a giant frost spider and take it for a walk through Whiterun. Nobody bats an eye.

Top of the Throat of the World, Ma

Greetings from the summit of High Hrothgar, the highest point in the game.

It’s a long way down.

Plenty to do if you like hitting rocks with a pick.

Plus you look majestic up there day or night.

Be sure to visit High Hrothgar at some point in your lifetime.

Cheer up, emo kid

IREGRETNOTHING.JPG

Greetings from Avanchnzel

The steam and sparking gear capital of Skyrim.

More days ruined

So you’ve got this Draugr Deathlord just hanging around his cavernous uh cavern, sittin on his throne, mindin’ his own bidniss, when suddenly there’s an arrow from out of freakin’ nowhere and it’s all over. Hate when that happens.

The chickens mourn the loss of Imperial Guard No. 498, slain by a dragon. The goat, however, doesn’t give a damn and is about to enter a whole new realm of wrong.

Just a few of the 7,000 steps to High Hrothgar

I’m putting Martha the level 67 Imperial aside a moment to roll a new character, Sleeps-All-Day the Argonian, solely to see what happens if/when a lizard contracts lycanthropy. Don’t spoil it for me.

He took two shots of the hike up High Hrothgar while visiting the shouty guys, like you do.

With a name like that maybe he should be a vampire too but one crazy affliction at a time, okay

Night falls on Whiterun

Ratway Warrens, Riften